There exists a blight that is crippling New Eden. Even under
the watchful eyes of Concord, there is a darkness creeping into the Empire
space that threatens to break the foundation of the cluster. I speak of course
of the non-consensual player versus player activities, popularly known as
ganking. Let us look at the plight of the wide eyed carebear, the victim of
such slaughter.
Here we see Sara, a hard working miner. She’s putting laser
to asteroid and supplying the masses of New Eden with its lifeblood, namely
ores and minerals. The work is long and often tedious but Sara soldiers through
all obstacles, knowing that she is providing the mean of freedom for every
capsuleer. Unfortunately, there lurks a predator in Sara’s midst. His hunger is
insatiable. His aptitude for violence and destruction has led him to this
backwater in search of tears. Not just any tears, though. This predator is
after a special variety, the sort that only can be stolen from the fresh corpse
of a previously unmolested miner.
And so our faceless fiend strikes. Sara is blindsided by the
assault. The villain restrains Sara by means of his warp scrambler, making
escape all but impossible for our persecuted carebear. The slaughter then
begins. The attack cycles up his Hurricane’s weapons, thrusting shards of fiery
death deep in through Sara’s shield. Alas, Sara’s Retriever is minimally tanked
and leaving her naked hull exposed. Our scoundrel now fires of a snide remark
in local before plunging through Sara’s last bit of hit points and reduces her
to a battered wreck on the New Eden landscape.
Sadly, Sara’s ordeal is not an uncommon story. There are
many miners and mission runners that suffer the same non-consensual combat, nay
butchery at the hands of these tear pillagers. And thus comes into play my
modest proposal. Carebears have neither the ISK nor the combat skills to bring
the fight to these criminals, thus my proposal is of a different sort. The one
possession bears have in abundance is other carebears. Whether because of
financial incentive or a baser instinct of survival, carebears often band
together. Using their numbers to their advantage, I propose that the few be
sacrificed to save the many. That is to say, a few carebears would be
indentured to a ganker in order to sate his lust for tears, leaving the other
bears out of harm’s way. It would be hoped that with a fresh supply of the
sweetest tears, the likes of which can only be produced by the most innocent
and naïve of carebears, ganker’s appetites would be satisfied, thus allowing
other carebears to go about their business as the backbone of the New Eden
economy.
Let it not be said that there other solutions, for such a
great dilemma requires an equally great solution. The talk of creating more
lasting consequences for ganking or establishing legitimate markets for bears
to find mercenaries to defend them is simply nonsense. They simply do not
address the source of the solution. Thus I put forward a modest proposal, so
that the many may go about New Eden unfettered.
Author’s Note: In case
you were unaware of the implications of the title, this was satire. In the
midst of the current debate in the Eve blogosphere over ganking and other high
sec PVP, I saw the opportunity to pay homage to the Jonathan Smith essay of the
same name while also expressing my opinion on the matter.